Afterward Music
A project by Rain Văn
About Afterward
Afterward is the solo project of Chicago-based musician and songwriter Rain Văn Wright. Their first album, On Earth, After The End, is currently in the works and will hopefully be released some time in 2026.
On Earth, After The End
Running
Written 12/28/25I can feel my heart beating strangely
But I can’t figure out how
My bare feet pounding on cold pavement
But I can’t hear a soundDrugs rushing through my veins
Fog seeping into my brain
No more chances to explain
No more chances to explainRunning from, not to
The only home I ever really knew
Because all that I know to be true
Is that I can’t see any way throughBlood drips on pristine sidewalks
Vision beginning to fuzz
Near naked beneath the dim streetlights
Beginning to fade into dustRunning from, not to
The only home I ever really knew
Because all that I know to be true
Is that I can’t see any way throughNear naked I stumble away
Here I am starting to sway
Someone just ask me to stay
Nothing will ever be okayDizzy and intoxicated I begin to stumble
I don’t even know if tears still scald my cheeks
It might be my last breaths I take in the cold October air
I see it float away in clouds of steam
Like trails from a cigarette burnt down to a stub
Crumbling into ash only to be snuffed out
Life force fading faster than the starved spark
I fall to the ground as the rest of my strength dissolvesRunning from, not to
The only home I ever really knew
Because all that I know to be true
Is that I can’t see any way throughA figure approaching where I lay
She asks if I want to be saved
Did I mean for things to end up this way?
That is all I remember from that day
He’s Not Your Girl
Written 3/26/25He’s not your girl
But he’s sitting there alone
And he’s waiting for a change
Because nothing ever happens here
And he’s not your girl
As he paces back in forth in fear
Not knowing if there’s anywhere safe anymore
‘Cause nowhere’s safe anymore
For himBecause he can’t leave home without a knife
Or the scissors at the bathroom sink
Cutting off his hair at night
Alright
Nobody cares
If he’s here or he’s there
Because he’s not your girl
And he never wasIt’s cold at night
And he doesn’t walk in the dark
He can’t go there alone but there’s nobody to join him
Hands shake, under sleeves
Cover his scars
‘Cause she never was right inside himNever be skinny, be pretty
And he’ll never be a girl again
Be skinny, be pretty,
And he’ll never be that girl againBecause he can’t leave home without a knife
Or the scissors at the bathroom sink
Cutting off his hair at night
Alright
Nobody cares
If he’s here or he’s there
Because he’s not your girl
And he never wasYou never knew him, never knew him
There’s a girl name on his grave
Please just give him one more chance
Don’t let there be a girl name on his graveBecause he can’t leave home without a knife
Or the scissors at the bathroom sink
Cutting off his hair at night
Alright
Nobody cares
If he’s here or he’s there
Because he’s not your girl
And he never wasHe’s not your girl
And he never was
The Beginning of Death
Written 9/23/24[spoken] I remember what it felt like to begin to die. To fade out of consciousness, not sure if I would ever wake again. (Sometimes I wonder if I ever really did.) Killing yourself might be an act of violence but dying is not violent at all. It softens your gaze and gently coaxes that last bit of fight out of your veins until there is nothing left but stillness. You are laying there in your hospital bed and it strikes you—"this is it, this is what all the fuss was about"—and maybe it scares the hell out of you because all of a sudden, maybe you aren't ready after all, maybe you want to live another day, but it's too late now. You're already losing consciousness. Even in the chaos of the hospital all you can hear is the slowing of your breathing. On the brink of oblivion and you are beginning to feel it reach its arms around you, pulling you from this life into the nothingness that's awaiting you. There is no Heaven or Hell. There's just an extinguished electrical signal and a corpse that's beginning to grow cold.
Trazodone
Written 7/27/22I never was addicted
To heroin or cocaine
I just had restricted
Fearful of more weight gain
But what nobody noticed
Was the prescriptions they gave
When I hit my lowest
Could have brought me to the graveLying to the doctors
Taking all the pills
Feeling all the monsters
Inside making kills
All the pain it conjures
Makes me physically illWhen it feels like a bad dream
But you’re too tired to scream
Don’t know what anything means
As you fall apart at the seams
What a way to end my teensIt was a death wish I guess
That guided my ways
I ate less and less
So weak and tired, I lay
Agony I couldn’t express
Each psych ward stay
So damned by this messLying to the doctors
Taking all the pills
Feeling all the monsters
Inside making kills
All the pain it conjures
Makes me physically illWhen it feels like a bad dream
But you’re too tired to scream
Don’t know what anything means
As you fall apart at the seams
What a way to end my teensMy hands, they would shake
My body, would quake
From the pills that I’d take
And my heart, it would ache
As I felt my spirit break
From nightmares with no wakeWhen it feels like a bad dream
But you’re too tired to scream
Don’t know what anything means
As you fall apart at the seams
What a way to end my teensWhen it feels like a bad dream
But you’re too tired to scream
Don’t know what anything means
As you fall apart at the seams
What a way to end my teens
What a way to end my teens
What a way to end my teens
What a way to end my teens
Magnolia Tree
Written 5/1/21Children born of darkness
Do they ever have a home?
Though in a physical place they reside
Hearts around them are just stone
I kept my head above the ground
Said everything was just okay
But my body cried out for help
And my mind led me astrayBut I tell myself
I tell myself
That if I climb the magnolia tree
High above the ground
I might reach heights above my hell
And I’ll be safe and soundI cannot let them see me weep
I cannot let them know
That something broke inside me long ago
And the smile is just for show
And I’ll starve myself
I’ll cut myself
I’ll do anything they ask
I don’t want to be a burden any more
I’ll just down some pills and a flaskI’m broken
(Just so broken)
Don’t think I’ll ever again see
The day when I’ll reach the highest heights
Of that old magnolia tree
Because if I could could climb the magnolia tree
High above the ground
I might reach heights above my hell and I’ll be safe and sound
Safe and sound
Never Did
Written 2/14/23I never felt your hand in mine
Never touched your lips
Never saw the things you never show anyone else
But now I'm wondering if I should have tried
To delve into your body and soul
In ways nobody has before
Or maybe even since
But I should instead face the reality
That it will never be me
Who makes your soul light up
Because I've spent my chances
And I never realized what a wasteland
My blunders have created
Come On (Monster)
Written 8/27/20"Come on," they dare me
And their arms are dripping with blood
"Are you scared?" They taunt me
As their tears begin to flood
So I turn my eyes to see
Of whom this beast has become
And I look back at my own eyes
There’s A Dead Girl In The Bathroom
Written 9/29/18She dreams of a dead girl
Laying on the bathroom floor
Of eternal silence
Does she have to say any more?
Her wrists are both slashed
Bled out in one of the stalls
It will take some time to find her
Will her ghost still haunt these halls?Well, rich crimson paints the ground
Her clothes doused in bitter liquid
For she was lost and never found
And she wasn’t any more than just a kidShe looks so youn, laying there, dead
Such a tragic loss, they say
The bathroom floor painted red
So still her body lays
But God knows knows she deserved it
She never was good enough
Her life was all just full of shit
And she never was that tough
Lark
Written 7/3/23You’re awkward
You’re scrawny
And she’s not even that good at math
When you’re sitting next to her
And she says she’s gonna drop next semester to reg
Because this isn’t for her
But she still makes your heart race
You little gay fucker you
But you could cry
You can’t be gay
There’s already so much wrong with you
The way people look at you in the hallways
Like you’re a fucking freak
Because you can’t help last year’s psychotic break
A psychotic break you won’t have the words for
Until more than a few years in the future
Realizing how fucked up it truly was
But did they see your cuts, or just your cries?
How much did they know?
But she wasn’t there last year
And she’s absolutely fucking stunning
With the voice of an angel
And you aren’t at home in your own voice
But you imagine you could serenade her
With the warm vibrato of your violin
Learned to keep the bullies out of your head
Mama
Written 3/8/23Help me, mama
I want to go home
I lay in my bed
In the room I own
Help me, mama
I’m scared of what’s inside
All my structures are breaking
There’s nowhere to hide
Help me, mama
I see myself dead
So don’t you dare tell me
It’s all in my head
City
Written 2/16/23Beckoned by the skyline
Metropolis all around me
Eyes alight with the potential that I’d see
My life seemed enough to sustain meCityscapes held my hopes and dreams
Until polluted air filled my lungs as I screamed
That it should have stopped my breathing
Nobody was there to comfort meDarkness falls upon city lights and
I can’t find my way home it seems
Pills I have downed to stop my suffering
It seems they have made my soul weepThe skyline became my Hell’s horizon
Lost in a sea of strangers’ faces
I don’t know where I am going
Nobody heard my silent screamingWandering alone down these city streets
Cold seeping down to my bones, I’m fading
See as I sleep my souls escapes me
Am I even me, anymore?Darkness falls upon city lights and
I can’t find my way home it seems
Pills I have downed to stop my suffering
It seems they have made my soul weepI did escape from those city lights
Finally I got back home it seems
Careful of the pills that pause my suffering
Hoping I never will go back
“City” was originally released in 2023 under Rain’s birth name on streaming services. Rain had not begun testosterone therapy for gender dysphoria yet when the song was released, and their voice sounded much different than it does today. The song is currently being redone and will be re-released under the Afterward name.